These are all terms we have heard before. Chances are that each person who is reads this knows at the very least one person who has suffered from one of these. If by chance you are shaking your head saying "No, I don't know anyone who has," then they just haven't opened up to you about it. Rape and sexual assault are the of the most under reported crimes. The victim blames themselves, the media and others blame them, and they are scared. Even with how under reported it is the stats we do have based on reported cases are still high:
Every 98 seconds a person experiences sexual assault, every 8 minutes that victim is a child!
Only 12% of child sexual abuse is ever reported to the authorities
1 in 4 girls, 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before they turn 18, more than 34% of the people who sexually abuse a child are family members of that child! Most of the time the child knows the person who abuses them, they are family, friends of the family, and people the child sees often and trust.
Before I go into each of the children's books I have picked out about body safety, I want to share with you a book that I feel is a MUST for EVERY parent. I shared this book in my other blog about overcoming a bad past. This book is such an important informational book for parents. The No Touch Zone is more thought out than just what your bathing suit covers and makes a lot of sense. Also Norman E. Friedman goes into how to teach it and why the No Touch Zone rather than just "Private Parts." Inoculating Your Child Against Sexual Abuse is a two part book and in the blog post I go full detail about the book and what is talked about. This is a tool for all people around kids to help them spot people who are out to harm children, and to help prevent such awful things from happening to the children you love.
I know a few schools have been reading My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes for their body safety lesson.
This book was written by a group of people from The International Center for Assault Prevention. There is a letter to adults that starts the book off, read this to yourself before reading the book aloud to your child(ren).
My Body Belongs to Me is an empowering tool for children. This book talks about how it's the one thing that is all theirs, this is important for a child to know. The book then goes into touching. They talk about being close with friends and family cuddling on grandma's lap, holding a baby, and how our bodies touch when playing. Good touch. The empowering part and it's the line I'm going to take right from the book "I alone decide if and by whom I'd like to be touched." Then the book goes into other touches that the child might not like, tickling too much, sloppy kisses from someone, the dog jumping on you, being held too tight, and time when they just don't want anyone to touch them in any way. The book never goes into "bad touch" or private areas. This is a book that is very important to be read, and should be read and taught early in life. We as adults project our own knowledge into what we interpret. We know about child abuse, we project negative thoughts into the images and what we read. We need to remember this so that we can keep our own emotions out of reading this to our children.
I again am going to use an example from the book: "If I'm asked to touch somebody, but I don't want to, I just don't do it. I say 'No, I don't want to...." Dagmar Geisler has done a great job with the illustrations and in this one the little girl is walking away from a guy that has his arms outstretched. In my adult mind, from my past and from media, and TV I have turned that into a stranger or family member who is inviting the girl over for inappropriate touching. No where in the book did it say that, or portray that. That is what I projected. Now I needed to take a step back and let out my own emotions (this is hard) and re examine the text and even the illustrations. Now looking at it, maybe the girl got into a fight with her dad and he yelled at her, and is asking for a hug; maybe it's an Uncle asking for a hug good bye. Think about the different times that your own children didn't want to give a hug, to give a kiss, to be touched at all. This is normal. This book is letting children know that it is their body and that they can say "No" to any touch they don't want. This is something we need to work on as adults as well, if a child doesn't want to give a family member or friend a hug that is OK, don't make them feel bad for hurting grandma's feeling, don't mention grandma's feelings at all. Instead let grandma know that you love her but are teaching about body safety and the right to say "No" that this is an extremely important tool and life skill the child will need.
Dagmar Geisler has done a great job with the illustrations in My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes. They are colorful, engaging, and tell a story. Now I think Geisler has done a very unique job at making the illustrations in the book have several meanings. As I said above we project what we know into what we see and hear. The unwanted tickling picture infuriates me. I want to reach in and punch the creepy guy in the face and tell him to keep his hands off little girls. But, can you think of a time when someone tickled you when you didn't want to be? Maybe trying to cheer up a sad kid, or make them laugh? The image of the lady giving big sloppy kisses, this one makes me laugh because it reminds me of how old ladies like to pinch cheeks and kids hate it. Guess what that's an unwanted touch that they can say NO to. Maybe the lip gloss she is wearing is all sticky, maybe she has bad breath, yup I don't want that kiss either. The illustrations tell their own story, but they also tell a story that we put into them.
I love that this book is easy to read, can be read to small kids. They say it's for ages 3-6. Start early with this lesson, read it to a 18 month old, teach them that they don't have to give hugs, maybe a high five is better.
Now they need to go into some things you have to do, some touches that happen for safety....Mom grabs the child's arm to pull her out of the street. This is a touch that might hurt, that the child might be mad at mom for not getting her way, but yet is for the child's safety. Another fun quick story that happened to me after I read this book to my daughter this week....
"Shower time" I announced after dinner. It was a beautiful day out, we walked, we played on the play ground and the kids were dirty.
"No I don't want to." My 5 year old said.
"You're dirty, you need to shower before bed."
"Nope, it's my body!"
Damn, I mean "I'm really happy you understand this lesson, it is your body." Crap...now how do I handle this? "You played hard today, and you rolled in the grass, remember? Well you're all covered in dirt....and you stink! You don't want your bed to be all dirty right? And you don't want to be smelly at school so you need to wash up."
I said No! A kid-to-kid guide to keeping private parts private by Zack and Kimberly King
This is a very "heavy" book. I use the word heavy, meaning it's not a light easy to read book. It is not a book that is meant to be read all at once to children. Don't let this scare you off, this book is IMPORTANT, you just have to take more time to read it. There is a "How Best To Use This Book" note that also states that this isn't meant to be read all at once. This book is a tool to open your child to have conversations with you and address "what if..." situations. I know as a parent we don't want to think about or talk about the "what if..." these possibilities that our children won't always be safe, but this is something that we need to do to raise them to be aware, knowledgeable, and to keep them safe. These tools are key for prevention.Zack and Kimberly King co-wrote this book. They are a mother and son team who take personal experiences (which they share in the afterword) and turn them into lessons to help other kids. Zack was 5 when he had a bad experience, from being taught body safety he knew what to do. I find this kid to be so brave and such an inspiration!
I love that a child helped to write this book because it sounds like another child talking to your own. There are many points where they ask open ended questions and have you stop reading to talk about what you just read. It is so important to sure you stop and talk about these questions and make sure your child understands.
This book covers SO much information!
What are "private parts"
Red and Green flags
Safe and Unsafe
What to do in various situations
Who can you talk to?
Feelings
Treats, Bribes and Threats
Internet (they talk about what to do if someone shows you on a device porn - although they don't use the word porn)
Sleepovers
And Resources (I will have all of them at the bottom of this blog for you)
Oh and I can't forget this important part, they also talk about how if something does happen how it is not the child's fault.
Now let me touch a little more on a couple of these topics that they go over in the book:
Who can you talk to: Make sure you as a person around children let them know that they can tell you ANYTHING. In our house we tell the kids they can always talk to us and that there are no secrets. Also remember yourself as a child, there are times that you felt like you couldn't talk to your parents, but you could open up to other people, let your child know who else is in their life that they can talk to. Another statistic that is sad, terrifying, and true is 80% of the perpetrators in a child sex abuse case were found to be the parent! This was true for me and my story, along with many others. In that case who does the child turn to? Parents are there to protect their child from predators! We need to make sure that if a child does tell us about abuse how we respond matters. We have to believe that child, this is not something they make up, and they need help. For more info on how to respond when anyone tells you about abuse they are going through or have gone through check out this.
Treats, Bribes and Threats. Zack and Kimberly go in and tell the difference between a treat you get as a reward, and a bribe. Now, many of us have used bribes to get kids to behave in the store, to clean their room you may be telling yourself. I have said that before. "I'm not above bribing them!" But really we are giving them a reward for doing the right thing. The book tells how a bribe is when someone gives you something but you have to do something that is wrong first. And they talk about threats and how you should always tell those trusted people about threats even if they scare you or tell you that they will hurt someone else that a trusted adult needs to know so that they can help.
The Internet, this is everywhere now a days, and yet it's not something we talk about when we talk about body safety. The book talks about what kids should do if someone shows them naked people on a device, to say No, put up a red flag, and tell a trusted adult.
This book is written in a way that is easy for kids to understand. Sue Rama does a great job in illustrating the book. There are colorful images that will help your child stay focused, and put a visualization with each situation they might encounter they can think this cookie is a treat "green flag" that man at the park with candy is a "red flag". Unlike in My Body Belongs to Me from my Head to my Toes that I mention earlier, the illustrations don't have the same room for projection, instead each image that Sue Rama does seems safe but she uses facial expression, thought bubbles with red or green flags, and body language to show safe or unsafe situations. For example the image that is on the page about the computer it shows two kids at a desk with a computer, one laughing, the other with his hands over his eyes. The illustrations aren't full page they are just there as a visual aid that isn't uncomfortable.
I Said No! is such a well put together book that will help you talk about body safety and talk to your children about what to do if they don't feel safe. I hope you take the time to read this book and go over it step by step with your children.
The last book I want to share with you is also titled My Body Belongs to Me but is written by Jill Starishevsky. This is another great book that you can read cover to cover in one sitting with 3 to 8 year old children. In doing a quick search I found was even on Oprah with a story that brought me to tears. This book is easy to read and has rhymes in it. It talks about your body, how you have private spots, and then tells about how this little boy was touched there, told not to tell anyone but told his parents right away. Jill Starishevsky has done a very good job at telling about being molested without getting into details, she keeps the story very simple and easy for kids to understand. I again love how she goes on to tell if the child feels that they can't tell their parents they could tell a teacher. The main message in this story is to get children to seek help, to tell someone that if they are being touched, or hurt. I think it's important to again know that in reading this to children especially in a group setting, that you the reader needs to be prepared for a child to come forward and open up about their situation. This is something we hope isn't happening, but the reality is that it is. In your classroom, in your child's school, in your church, in your community there is a child that is being hurt, there is a child that needs to hear this book, this message so that that child can get help! Be ready and know how to respond if a child opens up to you. I need to now stress how these crimes don't happen elsewhere. "Not in my gated community. Not in my church; we dress modestly and teach how sexuality is a crime. Not in my private school. Not in the country." Everyone says these things, everyone thinks they are protected. Reality is that any child regardless of age, gender, race, religion, finical upbringing, or location can be a victim of abuse. Angela Padron illustrated My Body Belongs to Me and did a great job telling the story through facial and body language emotions. The full color illustrated pages will keep the child's attention and show that the emotions they might feel are okay.
I love that both Jill and Angela end this story on a positive note with the child smiling. I think it's important that children know that there is happiness even after bad experiences.
Now I know I shared a lot of info between the books so I want to again list all the books for you using Amazon links to make it easy for you if you are interested in getting any of them now. I did see other books listed on there but these are the ones I've read. I've used all 4 of them with my own children.
Couple tips: Name all the parts of the body to children, teach them that they have to ask your permission before going anywhere with anyone, teach them no touch zone.
Also about the no touch zone if you haven't already check out my blog post
"A book that is a MUST for EVERY Parent!" it goes into more detail about the book Inoculating Your Child Against Sexual Abuse.
Last thing I want to leave you with are this important websites for more information, and resources along with phone numbers. These links are ones that I've gotten from the books, along with from friends of mine who help children and adults who come forward. Please share these resources, and books with your friends and family. Talk about body safety. If you need to talk to someone, if you are still having a hard time about your past or are in an abusive relationship please know that there is help for you!
Childhelp: 1-800-4-A-CHILD www.childhelp.org
Darkness to Light: 1-866-FOR-LIGHT www.darkness2light.org
Jacob Wetterling Resource Center 1-800-325-HOPE www.jwrc.org
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children 1-800-THE-LOST www.missingkids.com
RAINN: 1-800-656-HOPE www.rainn.org
Stop It Now: 1-888-PREVENT www.stopitnow.org
Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse www.stopcsa.org
International Center for Assault Prevention (ICAP) 1-800-253-3189 www.internationalcap.org
I just want to thank you for sharing your information and your site or blog this is simple but nice Information I’ve ever seen i like it i learn something today. My body belongs to me books
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